Hey Bill! You're Spraying Too Much Pesticide!
Fan Commentary by Grandstand Bob
Gardeners know that you
often have to use some sort of pesticide to keep things in order; however, if you use too
much pesticide or use it for the wrong reason, you can kill everything and ruin the ground
for future growth.
NASCAR officials just napalmed a healthy, vital
section of their garden in an effort to stomp out a wily little pest who seems intent on
making the organization look bad. It seems that, because the Kevin Harvick “weed”
was particularly troublesome to NASCAR – the damn thing just wouldn’t heed the heavy-handed
master – out came the napalm. A little heavy-handed maybe? Those on the inside know
that nothing’s too heavy-handed for NASCAR.
NASCAR tries very hard to keep a very tidy garden.
Trespassers are shot without ceremony, much less a trial. (Be careful Johnny Cochran.)
Only the roses, which the gardeners have carefully crafted for profit and compliance, are
allowed to grow with relatively little restriction. If any other plant starts to grow
quickly enough to become a threat, the NASCAR gardeners are dispatched to eradicate them.
Unfortunately for Kevin, he grew faster and more
radically than anyone NASCAR has seen since Tim Richmond.
You see, Kevin Harvick’s greatest sin was not
spinning that Gibbs kid or grabbing Greg Biffle – it was having the audacity to be an
unapproved personality and not showing proper deferral to the High and Mighty. However,
because lack of worship is not in the rulebook, the High and Mighty waited until any sort
of infraction was committed, so that they could have some sort of justification for
dropping the hammer.
Regardless of what happened in Martinsville, let’s
look at why Kevin was on suspension in the first place. Did he punch Greg Biffle? No. Did
he spin Biffle on pit road with dangerous disregard for humanity? No. Did he assault a
series official or reporter? No. What he did was confront someone who had done him wrong
in a manner where no one was in any danger. Remember Rusty and Ricky last year? Big deal,
right? It wouldn’t have been a big deal if Kevin had followed proper procedures in
retaliation.
Kevin’s grave sin was that he announced that
he was going to be waiting for Biffle, and he allegedly announced that he was going after
Gibbs. Kevin said what was on his mind, and he had the reckless disregard to forget to
have those comments sanctioned by NASCAR.
For that reason, Kevin was smacked down like a
poorly behaving puppy. Of course, there were probably some intended messages in that
smackdown. After some thought, this is what I got:
- Don’t
speak your mind until you have so many fans on your side that we have to listen to you.
- Goodwrench
needs to tithe as generously as Home Depot.
- Don’t
bother racing in the lower divisions. There is very little good that can come out of it,
unless you are a washed-up TV commentator.
- Don’t
announce your intentions to confront another driver.
Are
these messages really beneficial to racing or will they further sanitize the sport to the
point where it is unrecognizable to its longtime fans? Is everyone going to be creeping
around the track worried about being the next napalm victim?
By
the way, the only thing that got on my nerves more than the Harvick suspension this
weekend were the stock statements muttered by NASCAR’s talking heads. Commentator
after commentator talked about the message that NASCAR was trying to send and that they
earned some respect with the suspension. You almost wonder if they were trained in a big
red trailer before going on the air. And the hypocrite of the weekend had to be Jimmy
Spencer who stood before the camera on Sunday morning and talked about how NASCAR had to
get tough with some of these drivers. Hey Jimmy, while you’re at it, how ‘bout
helping OJ find the real killers?
Grandstand Bob Profile and
Past Columns
note: This opinions expressed in this
column are those of writer and do not necessarily reflect the opinions or positions of ARS
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